"The fog comes in on little cat feet" is a lie unless fog is a great deal noisier than I ever expected.
*Meow* My owner went to a science fiction convention and all I got was the (ouch!) lousy button!
100 hairy bugs in the code/100 hairy bugs Fix one bug,/compile it again,/101 hairy bugs in the code. Repeat until BUGS=0
A cat is always on the wrong side of the door.
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
A host is a host/from coast to coast And no one will talk/to a host that's close Unless the host/(that isn't close) Is busy, hung, or dead.
A neat house is a sign of a life misspent
A running program is the moment of truth. All else is prophecy or nostalgia.
All these worlds are yours, except Mars. Attempt no landings here. (Message received by NASA, August 25, 1993)
Alpha-test version: too buggy to release Beta test version: Still too buggy to release Release 1.0: Alternate pronunciation of "Beta test version"
An optimist is someone who is about to discover more facts
And god said [maxwell's equations] and then there was light!
Another deadline, another miracle
Any bureaucracy re-organized to enhance efficiency is indistinguishable from its predecessor
Any signgle standard will split into at least two semi-compatible standards within the cycle time of the fastest existing computer
Any sufficiently advanced bureacracy is indistinguishable from molasses
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from a rigged demo
Anything not nailed down is a cat toy.
Anything not nailed down is a cat toy. Everything else is a scratching post.
Anything on the ground is a cat toy. Anything not there yet will be.
Are "Father" "son" and "Holy Ghost" all aliases for "God" or does it read mail in its separate entities?
Are you a Klingon, or is that a lobster on your head?
BACK RUBS: Given with pleasure, received with ecstacy.
BFA: Branch to False Assumption
BORGER KING. We do it our way. Your way is irrelevant.
Backups? We don't need no steenkin' ba*a%e#7q NO CARRIER
Balance the budget -- declare politicians a game species.
Because of heavy computing requirements, we are currently using some of your unallocated brain capacity for backup processing. Please ignore any hallucinations, voices, or unusual dreams you may experience. Please avoid concentration-intensive tasks until further notice. Thank you.
Being a model means wearing clothes and not eating. I'd rather eat and not wear clothes
Black holes are where God is dividing by zero
C sick and sh shocked
C++: Where only friends can access your private parts.
C> Coffee.com not found. reboot user? Y/N?
Captain! Somebody formatted the warp drive!
Captain, the doubletalk generators, the can take nae more! We'll have to obey the laws of physics!
Cars can smell it when you have money - Computers can smell it when you have time
Cats are nature's response to orderliness
Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled
Cats don't ask. Cats take.
Cats don't get into mischief. Cats ARE mischief.
Cats know your every thought. They don't care, but they know.
Cats take their half of the bed out of the middle
Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult
Coffee is my only REAL friend
Come on, people - I can only do six things at once, and one of them HAS to be breathing
Computers eat time -- we only THINK they run on electricity
Computers run on smoke: if it leaks out they don't work.
Computers save time like kudzu prevents soil erosion.
Cthulu for President: If you're tired of choosing the lesser of two evils.
Cute? I can do cute.
DO IT NOW. There may be a law against it tomorrow.
DON'T PANIC
Dammit Jim, you're a television personality not an actor!
Dear Starfleet: Hate you, Hate the Federation, Taking Voyager --Janeway
Debugging is anticipated with distaste, performed with reluctance, and bragged about forever.
Deja Fu: The feeling that somewhere, somehow, you've been kicked in the head like this before
Democracy is four wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch
Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will piss on your computer.
Does Emacs have the Buddha nature? Why not? It has bloody well everything else
Dogs think they're human. Cats wouldn't stoop that low.
Don't bother me - I've got my three-miracle minimum. When the Pope signs my sainthood papers I'm outta here!
Don't destroy the world in the first chapter -- you'll find you need it later.
Don't just stand there -- rub my back!
Don't let your mind wander. It's too little to be let out alone.
Don't tell me not to burn the candle at both ends -- just tell me where to get more wax!
Don't try to out-weird me -- I get stranger things than you free with my breakfast cereal.
Dragons don't sing opera -- just torch songs and scales
Drink up Socrates -- it's all natural
Duct tape is like the Force: it has a dark side and a light side, and it holds the Universe together.
E = MC**2 + 3d6
EMAIL When it absolutely, positively has to get lost at the speed of light.
Entropy is what happens when the universe doesn't pay its electric bill
Even Occam occasionally cut himself shaving
Evolved Again Secular Humanist
Experience is what enables us to recognize a mistake when we make it again
Federal Espresso: When it absolutely, positively has to say up all night.
Federation Express: When it absolutely, positively has to be there by Tuesday
File not found. I'll load something I think is interesting.
Fortunately, the computer virus did no harm to our records. It was immediately devoured by the bugs in our programs.
Fortunately, the second-to-last bug has been fixed
GE -- Genetic Engineering, Bringing good things to life
GNU & improved [anonymous ftp prep.ai.mit.edu:/pub/gnu/button.N.shar, this button's postscript program, which is freely redistributable under the GNU General Public License.] Copyright 1993 Free Software Foundation, Inc.
GNU: GNU's Not UNIX [This button design may be freely redistributed under the terms of the GNU General Public License. Anonymous ftp this button's postscript program from prep.ai.mit.edu:/u/emacs/button.N.MM.shar] Copyright 1988 Free Software Foundation
GOOD MORNING is a contradiction in terms
GRUMBLE GRUMBLE GROWL HISS BITCH WHINE PISS MOAN
Give it to Riker -- he'll eat anything!
Give me coffee and no one gets hurt!
Give me that REAL old-time religion [Isis Asarte Diana Hecate Demeter Kali Danu Inanna]
God could create the universe in six days because he didn't have to make it upward compatible
Growing old is mandatory - growing up is optional
Hatred is NOT a family value!
Have an affair - it'll break up the monogamy
He's dead - you get his phaser, I'll take his toupee
Hobbes is real and Calvin is his stuffed toy.
Horses are dangerous at both ends and uncomfortable in the middle.
How many Microsoft employees does it take to change a light bulb? None. They just get Bill Gates to declare darkness the company standard.
How many radio astronomers does it take to change a light bulb? None - they don't bother with that short wave-length stuff.
I am Homer of Borg. Prepare to be assimi..... OOOOH! Donuts!
I am not a monotheist -- the world looks as though it was designed by a committee
I didn't know it was impossible when I did it
I do the work of three men -- Larry, Moe, and Curly
I don't mind a cat in its place, but its place is not in the middle of my back at 4AM.
I found Jesus and he said, "Tag, you're it!"
I give good back
I got a life, but it won't run on my operating system.
I got rid of the kids -- the cat was allergic.
I have a mind like a steel trap. Everything that goes in gets crushed and mangled
I have a plan so cunning you could put a tail on it and call it a weasel!
I have not lost my mind -- it's backed up on disk somewhere
I just know I was meant to be born rich -- somebody up there must have fouled up the paperwork.
I love deadlines. I enjoy the whooshing sound they make as they go by.
I owed the government $3400 in taxes, so I sent them two hammers and a toilet seat.
I practice parallel monogamy
I prefer to think of it as the Prime Suggestion
I try to take just one day at a time, but lately several days have attacked at once!
I'd like to speak with your inner babysitter.
I'll get a life when I find out where to download one.
I'm a Zen nudist -- I'm naked in my own mind.
I'm not late, I'm temporally challenged.
I'm out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?
I'm really quite pleasant until I'm awake.
I'm sick and tired of all this sex on the telly! I keep falling off!
I'm willing to suspend my disbelief, but not hang it by the neck until dead
If C++ is your hammer, everything gets to look like your thumb.
If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cat
If a train station is where the train stops, what's a workstation?
If cats had longer attention spans, they'd be ruling the world
If ignorance is bliss why aren't more people happy?
If it's not on fire, it's a software problem.
If the government doesn't trust us with our guns, why should we trust them with theirs?
If there were no rhetorical questions, what would we do with our hypothetical answers?
If we have to re-invent the wheel, can we at least make it round this time?
If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kick-boxing
If you could print all the money you wanted and steal all the money you wanted, couldn't you manage to stay out of debt?
If you don't grow up by age 35, you don't have to.
If you torture the data enough it will confess
If you want the best seat in the house, move the cat.
In America, anyone can become President. That's one of the risks you take.
In prison, you get time off for good behavior. At work, I get rewarded for good behavior with more work.
In the beginning there was nothing, and God said "Let there be light" And there was still nothing, but now you could see it.
Include this in your CONFIG.SYS file: BUGS=OFF
Information superhighway? Looks more like a supercollider to me!
Inside every large program is a small program struggling to get out.
Instant gratification isn't fast enough
Instead of using a loom, we're going to wind all the yarn into balls and adopt an infinite number of kittens.
Intel: Putting the backward into backward compatible
Internet is so huge and pointless that for some people it's a complete substitute for life.
Is that a speech impediment, or are you pretending to be British?
It doesn't HAVE to make sense -- it's Company policy!
It isn't a war on drugs - it's a war on people.
It's a cat thing -- you wouldn't understand
It's a computer thing -- I wouldn't understand.
It's always darkest just before you step on the cat
It's amazing how much more sense the manual makes once you've learned the program
It's been lovely, but I have to scream now.
It's hard to be one of the thousand points of light when you can't pay your electric bill
It's hard to seize the day when you've got to grapple with the morning
It's never to late to have a rebellious adolescence
It's not procrastination -- it's the incredible Just-In-Time Workload Management System
It's not sugar -- it's low-grain cereal
It's ok to do the right thing, as long as you don't get caught.
It's ok to laugh during sex -- just don't point
It's really the cat's house -- we just pay the mortgage
Janeway & Chakotay in 2000. Because government is best 70,000 light years away
Jesus is coming -- if he's late, your second savior is free
Jewish Pagans are like regular Pagans -- we believe in the Mother Goddess, we just feel guilty about not calling
Jobs don't kill programmers. Programmers kill jobs.
Just think: National Enquirer readers are among the elite minority who actually read..... (have a nice day)
Keeping freedom safe from democracy
Keyboard not found, think F1 to continue
LISP is like a finely choreographed ballet ADA is like a waltz of drugged elephants C is like a sword dance on a freshly waxed floor
Life needs pulldown menus and an undo function
Life should consist of at least fifty percent pure waste of time and the rest in doing what you please
Life would be so much easier if we could just look at the source code.
Lost my head over Highlander
MACINTOSH: Machine Always Crashes, If Not, The Operating System Hangs
MS-DOS didn't get as bad as it is overnight -- it took over ten years of careful development
MacLeod in '96: There can be only one
Madness takes its toll: Please have exact change
Manual? We've just been pushing buttons until it works
Meddle not in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup
Militant Agnostic - I don't know, and you don't either!
Militant idealist: Things will get better, or else!
Morning lasts for four hours after I get up. Good morning.
Morris dancing is an exercise in fertility
My body, my choice - legalize drugs.
My boss said homosexuality is a disease, so I called in queer to work.
My mind isn't *always* in the gutter--sometimes it comes out to feed
Never ask a hungry cat if it loves you for yourself alone.
Never try to outstubborn a cat
No costume is complete without the cat hair
No matter who you vote for the government gets elected.
Of course I'm in a bad mood -- someone just dropped a house on my sister!
Of course I'm warped - it's faster than impulse
Of course the U.S. Constitution isn't perfect, but it's a lot better than what we have now.
Oh no, not another learning experience!
Old code never dies. It just waits for the year 2000. Quietly.
One more time - this is your mind [egg] This is the government on your mind [footprint-splat] Any questions?
One picture had better be worth a thousand words -- it takes up more disk space
Opening night - the night before the play is ready to open
Paranoia is the delusion that your enemies are organized
People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.
People will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of the time they will pick themselves up and carry on.
Planets are smarter than people because planets can solve the three-body problem
Playing in traffic on the information superhighway
Please do not look into laser with remaining eyeball
Politicians are like diapers. Both should be changed regularly for the same reason.
Politics: formed from the Greek "poly" meaning many, & "ticks", meaning small blood-sucking insects.
Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat.
Press ENTER to go on to next button
Press any key. NO! NO! Not that one!
Programming is a race between programmers trying to create bigger and better idiot-proof programs and the universe trying to create bigger and better idiots.
Programming is an art form that fights back
Programming is the art of debugging an empty text file
Purranoia: The fear your cats are up to something
Quantum Mechanics - The dreams stuff is made of.
Reading the net is like trying to drink from a fire hose Posting to the net is like shouting at people as they go past on a roller coaster Archiving the net is like washing toilet paper
Red meat isn't bad for you. Fuzzy blue-green meat is bad for you.
Relaxed agnostic: I don't know any answers. I'm not looking very hard either.
SCSI is *not* magic. There are fundamental technical reasons why it is necessary to sacrifice a young goat to your SCSI chain now and then.
SPCA - we're here to inquire about the health of Dr. Schroedenger's cat
Set laser printer to stun
Sex is nobody's business except for the three people involved.
Should I hand you your ass now, or have it gift-wrapped and sent by limousine?
Shouldn't the cosmic stupidity hopper be empty by now?
Sick, Sick, Sick: The Humor of the Beast
Software isn't released, it's allowed to escape
Some people have children in order to buy toys. I feel it's cheaper and more dignified to cut out the middleman and buy toys for myself.
Star Trek IV: So long, and thanks for all the fish
Straight but not narrow
Sunrise is nature's way of telling you it's bedtime.
Support your local medical examiner -- die strangely.
SysAdmins can't be sued for malpractice, but surgeons don't have to deal with patients who install new versions of their own innards
System Error -- Press F13 to continue.
That which does not kill me had better be able to run away damn fast
The Cats Did It
The human mind ordinarly operates at only ten percent of its capacity -- the rest is overhead for the operating system
The impossible we do immediately. Miracles require 24 hours notice.
The information explosion has reached the point where it's cheaper and easier to reinvent the wheel
The meek are getting ready
The politically correct are differently clued
The problem with trouble-shooting is that trouble shoots back
The three most dangerous things are a programmer with a soldering iron, a manager who codes, and a user who gets ideas.
The trouble with mornings is they happen when you're not awake
The truth is out there - we'll let it back in when it sobers up
The warranty explicitly states that under NO circumstances shall a rocket be returned to the manufacturer under its own power.
The worst book in a trilogy is the fourth
There are many intelligent species in the universe. They are all owned by cats.
There are two types of people -- I'm not either of them.
There are very few problems which can't be solved by a suitable application of high explosives
There can't be a crisis next week - my schedule is already full
These are my opinions. If they were the Biblical truth, your bushes would be burning.
They got the library at Alexandria -- they're not getting mine!
They say the wages of sin are death, but after they take out taxes all that's left is a tired feeling.
This is a shareware button. If you have been amused by what you have just read, please give me one dollar.
This isn't Hell. This is where you get sent if you've been bad in Hell.
This universe is sold by mass, not by volume. Some expansion may have occurred during shipment.
Thousands of years ago, Egyptians worshipped cats. Cats have never forgotten this.
Time is supposed to keep everything from happening at once... it's not working
To continue, strike keyboard with forehead
To err is human, to really foul up requires the root password.
Treat your password like your toothbrush. Don't let anybody else use it, and get a new one every six months.
Two's complement, three's a crowd.
UNIX is a very user-friendly system--it's just not promiscuous about which users it's friendly with
UNIX is not an "A-ha!" experience -- it's more of a "Holy Shit!" experience
USER SURLY
Unfortunately, Albert, God *does* play dice with the Universe
Until somebody debugs reality, the best I can do is a quick patch here and there.
Upward compatible means we get to keep all our old mistakes
User error: Replace user and press any key to continue
VENI, VIDI, VINO [grapes & wineglass]
VI VI VI The editor of the beast
VMS is a text-only adventure. If you win you get to use UNIX.
Vegetarians eat vegetables. I'm a humanitarian
Velveeta: so vegetarians can have Spam too
Virtue is its own punishment
VirusScan: "Windows 95 found. Remove it? (Y/N)"
WARNING: Objects in calendar are closer than they appear
Waiter, there's a feature in my soup!
Warning: You have entered a tact-free zone
Watership Down: You've read the book, you've seen the movie, now eat the stew.
We are Microsoft. OS/2 is irrelevant. UNIX is irrelevant. Openness is futile. Prepare to be assimilated.
We are Pentium of Borg. You will be approximated.
We aren't disorganized -- we have an organization which is beyond comprehension.
We have only two things to worry about -- either that things will get back to normal, or that they already have.
We wouldn't get so many weird bug reports if we just stop shipping software off-planet.
We'll get along fine as soon as you realize I'm the root user
We're Starfleet officers. Weird is part of the job.
We're going to keep on repeating history until we get a passing grade
What are you doing wrong with our bug-free product?
What do you get if you have thirteen witches in a hot tub? A self-cleaning coven.
What do you think of the human race? I'd like an outsider's opinion.
What if there were no hypothetical situations?
What is your name? Jean-Luc Picard. What is your quest? I seek the Holy Grail. What is the top velocity of a Bird of Prey? Romulan or Klingon? ...AAARRRGGGH!!
What part of MEOW don't you understand?
Whatever you're doing, it's not as important as petting the cat
When you pull the pin, Mr. Grenade is no longer your friend.
When your purpose in life is to entertain the gods, you might as well put on a good show
Whenever I try to get in touch with myself I always get the answering machine
Where am I going and what am I doing in this handbasket?
Who put a 'stop payment' on my reality check?
Who the hell let the morning people run things?
Windows & Icons & Mice OH MY!
Windows 95 Looks like a duck, walks like a duck, quacks like a duck -- too bad it's a decoy.
Windows NT: Nice Try, Next Time
Without the last minute, how much would ever get done?
Write failed on /dev/brain0: filesystem full Write failed on /dev/brain0: filesystem full Write failed on /dev/brain0: filesystem full
YOU can help wipe out COBOL in our lifetime
You are in a maze of twisty little UNIX versions, all different.
You are in a maze of twisty little menus, all different.
You can tell a real programmer by the keyboard dents in their foreheads
You don't have to be CRAZY to work here. We'll train you.
You guys start writing code and I'll go find out what they want.
Your lack of planning does not constitute my emergency
[cat face] My species domesticated your species
[flowchart] Does this program halt? [yes-loop back] [no-STOP]
oink oink/flap flap